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A pessimist at heart, I can't help but think the worst of myself and the situations I'm in. It's sad, but I think that's partially why things turn out so badly for me -- not because I don't want them to turn out well, but because deep in my heart I won't ALLOW things to turn out well.

When you have a pessimistic soul and the constant urge to be right -- it can be a dangerous and volitile combination.

Somebody told me recently that my journal is full of screams of "pity me!"

It's true, of course -- that's the funny part. I think a part of me really does like it when people pity me; not in that sympathizing way where they think they understand what you're going through, but in that "Oh shit, I can't believe you have to go through that crap" type of pity.

Why?

It's because I'm demented. That's the conclusion that I've come up with after these few months of self-evaluation. I'm just plain crazy, and I"m probably going koo koo. I don't know if it's the environment I'm in, the activities I'm participating in, or the fact that I feel helpless in the seemingly downwards direction my life is plunging into.

I'm so fucked up in the head!

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Posted by Kim @ 12:32 AM PST

6 have spoken

btw, thanks shmazzy... ^_^; makes me feel less alone in my silly depressions. :P

Posted by kim @ 01/25/2002 10:54 PM PST

actually if you look closely, the last 7 are hundreds.

Posted by kim @ 01/25/2002 09:46 PM PST

I can relate to the pessimistic part, and I totally understand craving that attention from pity. I just love how you just express yourself so well. I have no better way of saying it, really. You're so beautiful that I had to link you. :)

Posted by Shmazzy [e-meo] [virtual dwelling] @ 01/25/2002 07:21 PM PST

Have you visited Colorgenics?
-> http://213.130.51.121
It hit right on the mark for me....

http://bdiddy.cjb.net

Posted by Marc [e-meo] [virtual dwelling] @ 01/25/2002 07:06 PM PST

thats alot of $1 :)

you should get like a $20 and put it infront of them all hehehe

Posted by Jason @ 01/25/2002 06:16 PM PST

Hey, I'm demented too!!!

Posted by Roci @ 01/25/2002 12:21 PM PST